I’m so excited to finally own the Gold Mustard Ranger, the iconic character from Power Rangers Zeo and the strongest Ranger to ever fucking exist.
Remember back in the good ol’ days of 2016 when the shitty Ghostbusters reboot was the most politically divisive topic of the election year thanks to a bunch of marketing executives trying too hard? Remember when we thought that was rock bottom and it couldn’t possibly get any stupider?
Welcome to 2017, motherfuckers.
Look, I know there’s a lot going on right now and the world is on fire, but I need clarification on this. Is it still okay for me to delete Uber? Like, is this a thing people are still doing, or was it just over the weekend?
I’ve made a New Year’s resolution, folks. For every Harambe joke I hear in 2017, I’m going to kill five gorillas in five different zoos.
The first Power Rangers teaser debuted on Saturday at New York Comic Con, but not before some wonderful idiot posted it early that morning on the film’s Facebook page. Whoops. You know I was all over that shit though. I woke up at just the right moment and fumbled to find a working link before they all got wiped off of the Internet and I had to go to work.
But goddamn, it was worth it.
If you look at the current trends in popular media, a lot of success is determined by name recognition. Not necessarily the names of actors; one could actually argue that “star power” doesn’t matter nearly as much as it used to. I’m talking about brand names: adaptations, sequels, franchises, spinoffs, reboots, remakes and rehashes. These days, nostalgia is the most bankable. It’s almost a franchise in and of itself.
Inevitably, we’re going to see a Hollywood reboot of Gumby. On that day, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m stressed out just thinking about it.
What the hell is that?