Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters Episode 6 Analysis – Drew is Moist

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Will Drew commit plagiarism? Will Octodroid cause a water crisis? Do kids understand “Les Mis” references? I certainly don’t.

Episode 6: Three Cheats to the Wind

 

Tireface starts us off by stating that he never shares his plans, he tells them. Why that distinction is so important, I’m not sure. I think it was supposed to sound intimidating. Anyway, he summons Octodroid, whose primary function is to turn fresh water into salt water. This will surely make everybody’s mouths uncomfortable. I have a cold sore so I can see how that would be annoying.

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We smoothly transition to the cafe, where Drew is doing her job and writing a paper at the same time. Apparently it’s about “Les Miserable.” I don’t know jack shit about it, but Gordon Fucking Henley compares it to The Fugitive, so I’ll just pretend it’s a musical starring Harrison Ford. The kicker is that this paper is worth sixty percent of Drew’s grade, which is completely ridiculous. But I get it. There’s stakes now.

Out and about, Octodroid just blows up trees and doesn’t even touch water like he’s supposed to. Gotta get those pesky trees out of the way. I’m sure he’ll get to it eventually.

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Everybody notices their coffee is salty. Drew, not giving a shit, says her paper is the “crankinest” thing she’s ever written, further cementing herself as a bottomless vessel of ’90s slang that never caught on. Gordon Fucking Henley causes a distraction by announcing to the entire cafe that the coffee is terrible. Somehow, this draws attention away from him so that they can make their way to Nimbar’s portal.

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Extras in this show are idiots.

Meanwhile, Octodroid just blows up more trees, causing no harm to water. I’m sure he’ll get to it… eventually.

The kids meet at Nimbar’s Chocolate Factory and discuss Tireface’s plan to “salonise” all water. I tried my darnedest to find the actual word he used to describe pumping salt into water, but Google failed me. Whatever. Anyway.

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Drew brings her paper with her into battle. Clearly nothing will go wrong as a result.

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not even gonna try to fight it

Just kidding. The monster snatches her paper with one of its tentacles before Tireface teleports it out of battle. Drew is convinced that she’ll never get her paper back and that it’s the end of the world.

Then, they’re at school, and Drew’s tone completely changes. She’s gonna lie to her teacher in order for her to have enough time to rewrite her essay. Inconveniently enough, her teacher happens to overhear her and asks where her paper is.

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I don’t think I’ve ever had a teacher or a professor come after me about a missing assignment, let alone in the middle of the hallway after class. We were always taught that it was our personal responsibility and whatnot. So basically, this is different and I don’t like it.

Teachy McTeacherbutt gives her 24 hours to turn it in with no penalty to her grade, which is incredibly generous for a woman with resting bitch face. This isn’t before Drew presses her luck, of course, by trying to haggle for more time. It doesn’t work. Surprising no one.

The other kids feel partially responsible for Drew losing her essay, which is fucking stupid. She’s the one who took it with her into battle. She literally could have left it anywhere in Nimbar’s Bat Cave, or, hell, even back at the cafe. But no. She stepped on her Transo Disc, essay in hand, and transformed. Nobody else is even remotely to blame for this situation, and quite frankly she should apologize for inconveniencing her teammates with her bullshit.

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I heard Swinton’s mixtape is straight fire

Gordon wants her to buy her way into a good grade through mail-order essays. He explains that public school works like a business – much like running a country – and that when parents pay with their taxes, they expect a satisfactory product (grades). He’s… not entirely wrong this time. Drew’s not resistant at all, quickly buying into the scheme.

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Tireface and Shitbird modify Octodroid to absorb water from people’s bodies. Even though it was clearly doing nothing with water to begin with, just blowing up trees. Maybe that’s why the whole salt thing wasn’t working out for them. But what do I know, I don’t have a tire for a face.

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Conveniently nobody is in the cafe except for a couple of schmucks that Gordon pawns off his mail-order paper catalogs to. I’m almost convinced he runs the business himself and he’s secretly a genius I’ve been shitting on this entire time.

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Drew has performed the mental gymnastics necessary to justify taking Gordon’s advice before Nimbar summons them again. Octodroid is busy sucking water out of nuclear power plants.

Okay. Fine.

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c o r e o g r a p h y

The Sentinels show up and do some wicked karate moves – with hi-yahs and everything this time! – until Octodroid starts sucking the juice out of their bodies. They quickly form Knightron to avoid this, because Knightron is made of metal and is totally not moist.

But then Octodroid still… does it… anyway. Internal logic is not this episode’s strong suit.

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I swear this shot lasts for like 10 seconds

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I have no idea what’s going on in this sequence

Then Octodroid gets bailed out by Emperor Tireface to be reused in another episode.

Drew, having a change of heart, rips up the mail-order essay and suddenly she’s recalling the entire “Les Mis” essay that she initially wrote. Instead of remembering it on her own, Swinton claims that it’s a side effect of the Power Portals. A hilarious deus ex machina to end the episode.

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Fig. 1 – a strong independent woman who don’t need no mail


This one has an interesting premise. Unfortunately, logic gets in the way.

How Drew was able to teleport into battle with her essay confuses me. How come her clothes don’t come into battle with her, too? Or any of the other Sentinels? Where do we draw the line? What are the rules? Why doesn’t this zero-budget Power Rangers ripoff make any sense?

Who cares? The next episode is called “The Spy.” I’m betting a monster disguises itself as a teenage girl that Gordon wants to bang.

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when u Gordon Fucking Henley and u nut but she keep suckin

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